Walk with me as I transition back into the good ol' U.S. of A!
One evening, my lovely and adorable mother decides to make tacos for dinner. Just like any normal night she browned the hamburger and got out all the condiments – salsa, lettuce, cheese, etc. Then she ran to the store to get a few extra things that we didn’t have at the house, or so she thought we didn’t have at the house. That afternoon I had just cleaned out our refrigerator in hope of ‘decluttering’ our kitchen. As my mother gets home, she pulls out a brand new tub of sour cream from her bag. “Uh hey mom, we actually already have 2 practically full containers of sour cream in the fridge already.” “Oh it’s fine, we’ll use them eventually,” she replies. Immediately I was livid and thought to myself, “What do you mean ‘we’ll use them eventually,’ don’t you understand that this is ridiculously wasteful and that there is no good reason to have THREE containers of sour cream in our fridge.” I literally could hardly stand it, and even considered not eating the tacos to veto this whole ‘sour cream’ issue. As I walked out of the kitchen, I realized that I can’t expect my mother – or anyone for that matter – to understand and relate to how my life has changed since I’ve been back. I have realized that I now see things through a different lens, that I now see things in a different light and not everyone sees things through the same lens as me. (Just to be clear, that doesn't make me right and you wrong; it just means that I have a different view. And just because we have different views doesn't mean I think less of you or send judgement your way.)
As the weeks went on, I started realizing how different my “lens” is now that I have been back. Sometimes I can’t relate to people without feeling offended or upset, sometimes I expect others to see things the same way I see them and sometimes I can hardly stand to listen to the things we coin, or hashtag as "first world problems." Since I’ve been home, I have wrestled with a lot of things; one of them being that I can’t expect people to understand or see things the same way I do. I can't expect people to understand that I lose sleep over the fact that we have three containers of sour cream in our fridge. I just can't, it's unfair. I thank the Lord that He is so gracious and never runs out of love for people like me! (PS: Consider this my apology if I've ever put you in a position like this since I've been home.)
People have asked me a lot of questions since I’ve been back: “What was the food like?” “Did you see any animals?” “Was it hot?” “Were you ever scared?” etc. But a handful of people have asked me what I learned on my trip, or the one thing Uganda taught me. And honestly, for a while I didn’t have an answer for their question. But after spending time with the Lord and really leaning in to all of the things He taught me while I was gone I’ve finally found an answer. The answer is this: if I want things in my life to be different, then I have to start being different.
I could spend my time complaining about certain "American-isms" that drive me nuts, or I could choose to do things differently and hope other people do the same. I could spend my time upset at all the injustices I saw and continue to see in the states, or I could do something different to support them. I could get angry every time I hear “poor, poor Africa” or I could be honest, be different, tell my stories and allow people to see Uganda the way I see it. I could waste my time complaining, worrying and being distracted by things in my life that I want to see change … or I could be the change, I could be the difference. And that’s what I’m bringing home with me, I made a vow to myself when I left Uganda that I was going to be different, that I was going to do things differently and that I wasn’t going to get sucked into my old 'oh-so-normal, not-so-different' lifestyle, and still two months later I am sticking to that vow.
The only way I believe I can be different, is by bringing my "new" Jesus back. When I left for my internship, I believed wholeheartedly in Jesus, in his miracles, in his love, in his grace and in his Spirit. I believed it, I did. But while I was in Uganda, I saw a different side of Jesus that I had never seen before. I saw a side of Jesus that amplified and solidified everything I had ever believed. I saw Jesus deliver my friends in the village from a lifetime of witchcraft and the darkness that follows it. I saw Jesus heal my Jaja Suddi from her physical pain and encounter her in a way that made her stop and say, "What was that?" I saw Jesus reveal himself to those of the Muslim faith even when we weren't allowed to speak his name. I saw Jesus do some pretty gnarly things when I was in Uganda, things I only thought I'd read about or watch in movies. The only way that I believe I can be different is by bringing that "new" Jesus back with me; the Jesus that encounters people, that meets them where they are and the Jesus that allows his Spirit to encounter and radically change lives. I have to bring Jesus with me in faith and trust that he will show up the way I saw him show up in Uganda.
Like I said before, I made a vow when I left Uganda that even if I looked crazy, I was still going to be different. I made a vow that even when I didn't think I could stand firm and have faith, that I was going to step out of the boat and be different. I told myself that I was going to be radical and drastic because I wanted to see things change. That is what I said when I left Uganda, and that is what I still say two months later. Have I stumbled, of course. Has it been difficult, um yeah! Has it been worth it, absolutely. Honestly, as I write this I feel my spirit coming to life saying "be MORE different," "go the extra step and be MORE different." As I walk through this season of being back in America –for now – I trust that the Lord has me in this place to share this 'be the difference' mentality I have adopted. To help others see things through a different lens and to be the difference for those in my life and in my community. Consider this post a cry for accountability, ask me what I'm doing different, ask me where I'm investing my time and how I'm making a difference in my community.
Love you all SO stinkin' much!! Seriously.
In hopes to someday see a difference,
Nakalema