Hey, it’s me again. I know it’s been a while, almost a whole year to be exact. I can’t believe so much time has passed since I left you last April. Good news though, I’m on my way back! I know I promised you it would be earlier but I’m finally coming back to the UGA. I have spent the last year wrestling through a season of waiting and unanswered questions. I have spent countless hours pleading to be reunited with you, pleading with the Lord to send me back to the place where the red dirt covers almost everything and the smell of fish makes me want to pass out.
I know it’s been a while, but I want you to know I’ve never stopped praying for you; for your people, for your leaders, for your villages, for your future, for a generation to rise up and claim justice for you. But before I come back to you, I’ve got a couple of things I just need to lay out on the table.
I don’t know how to say this ... but I’ve changed. I remember what it was like to worship for three hours in the village on Sunday mornings. I remember what it was like to pray publically in the market places for my dear friends Mary and Hannifah. I remember watching you heal people in the village and bring everlasting life to those who desperately needed a Savior. As fondly as I remember those things, I desperately miss them even more. I don’t feel as bold as I once was, I don’t feel as obedient to my Spirit as I once was. I have fallen back into the ways of the Western world idolizing my possessions and dismissing the cries of my heart to spend time with You. I’ve fallen back into the routine of life leaving me feeling distant and distracted. Why am I telling you this? Because I need you to remind me of the woman I once was, the woman you showed me I could be. A woman deeply rooted in scriptures, constantly walking in the Spirit. A woman with a passion so deep it overflowed to all other facets of her life. A woman who was learning to be loved by her Father and to let go of the burdens the cross already carries. Uganda, I pray that as I venture back into your beauty you would do a drastic work in me reminding me of why I fell in love with you in the first place.
Secondly, I have to accept that you too have changed. I have to be prepared for the differences I will see. New people have come and some have gone. I have to accept that Mary and Fatuma may no longer be working in the market. I have to accept that the lack of medical care may have effected some of the families I so dearly loved. I have to accept that Baby Gabriel may not have gotten better. I have to accept that things aren’t going to be as I remember them. I have to know outreaches will be different, the people will be different and that some of my friends may have moved on. I have to know that with time comes change, and change often brings things to the surface we aren’t ready for. Before I get back to you, I must let go of the hidden expectations I have for you to be unchanged, unharmed and unaffected by the injustices you face on a daily basis.
I once read a quote that said, “Change. Sometimes it’s beautiful, sometimes it’s painful – but most of the time it’s both.” After these next two weeks, that quote may carry a new meaning for me. Regardless of the many changes occurring in our lives we cannot forget that there is Someone continually working in us. The power of God and his Holy Spirit has not for one single second stopped working in us. The Lord hasn’t changed His mind; He hasn’t not stopped fighting for us, he hasn’t changed His plans for us and He isn’t going anywhere. He is forever good.
As I stumble through all of this as I sit here in Amsterdam, I am reminding myself of that one thing; He is forever good. He hasn’t stopped working in me, has hasn’t stopped fighting for me and He never will. I’ve been spending a lot of time in John 15 lately learning about how good God is, how faithful He is and the beauty revealed when we abide in His love. In John 15 we learn that every branch which does bear fruit will be pruned so it can be even MORE fruitful. (vs. 2)
Did you catch that? Every. Branch. Will. Be. Pruned. Pruning can be painful, sometimes excruciating, but in the end what is the result? The vine bears even more fruit. Pruning = Changes. And most of the time those changes are both beautiful and painful.
Uganda, know that you will forever remain dear to my heart, that I carry a deep love for you and the people who reside with you. I hope you know how much you changed me, molded me and challenged me. I hope you know that I have dreams for you, big Jesus-filled dreams for you. Know that I won’t ever stop praying for you and the revival of your people. Know that I appreciate you and my mission is not change you – just simply to get to know you better.
Uganda, you are loved.
Forever and Always,
Nakalema