Kirungi (Chi-Roon-Gee): Beautiful. Tuesday night I had a revelation about how the Lord sees me and how much I mean to Him. I had never really given this thought much depth until this week, and I realized that the Lord is offering me a kind of love I have never experienced.
Tuesday night I realized how easy it is to just believe something because it makes sense, or because the bible says it’s right. I realized that when you do or say something so many times it almost becomes a routine or a habit rather than a truth. Sitting with a fellow intern alone in The Ark I started processing all of this out loud. I really don’t even know how the conversation started but I thought to myself, “Do I really know how much the Lord loves me?” And I don’t mean the type of love we typically think about, I mean do I really understand the depth of His heart for me. I’m here in Africa telling children and people in the villages to love God because He first loved them yadda yadda yadda. I keep saying Yesu Akw’agala (Jesus loves you) but do I really believe that for myself? Do I really, genuinely and whole heartedly believe that I am worthy?
When I try and think about how much my Father loves me I always compare it to an earthly love. To the love I receive from my parents. To the love I feel when I am at grandma’s house. To the love I feel when my mom tells me I’m beautiful. Although all of those things bring me an impeccable amount of love, they are just a speck on the map when compared to my Father’s love. When compared to our Father’s love.
As I write, I almost feel like I am writing in circles because the thought just doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t make sense to me that I have the capacity to experience a love first hand greater than any I have ever experienced. As a believer of the One who saves my soul, I should believe this. I should know this and I should be okay with the gravity of His love. But if we’re being honest, I am not any of those things. I really don’t know how much the Lord loves me. I really don’t think I comprehend how much he enjoys me and how much he desires to spend time with me. I don’t understand that I am His, forever. I don’t understand that even after all of the careless sand selfish decisions I’ve made He loves me more than any type of love I have ever experienced. I’ve just said all of those things so many times to other people that I think I kind of forgot to believe them for myself. We learned about the ‘Father Heart of God’ on Monday and now all of it is finally sinking it. The kind of love He, our Father in Heaven, has to offer is a kind of love that we can’t comprehend without allowing Him to show us. The kind of love He has to offer isn’t based on my outward appearance, my ability to perform or how often I share the gospel. His love is just there, free to take whenever I want it. It never runs out. It never changes and most importantly it isn’t manipulated by any of my human, earthly behaviors. It’s simply just there.
I still don’t comprehend it or really understand it, but I’m trying to. I’ve given the Lord permission to show me. I’ve given him permission to show me His love in a way that I wouldn’t normally allow Him to. I given Him permission to tell me that in His eyes, I am beautiful, I am perfect and I am His. I am a child of God, perfect and complete in Him. His love is sufficient.
I want to finish this post with a simple story, one of many that have happened since being here in Uganda. Along with us six interns there is a team of 13 YWAM’ers (Youth With A Mission) here too. Monday nights we have ‘worship night’ which is led by a different person each week where they chose a way for us to connect with the Lord as a body. This week we did an activity called “My True Design” where we spent time in prayer asking God to tell us who we are. We spent time thinking about our identity in Christ and the way He sees us. We were encouraged to write these things down and then break up into groups of 5 or 6 to prophecy over one another. We split up and went around the circle, placing hands on one another and asking the Spirit to reveal to us specific things about the person we were praying over. Yes, it might sound a little cooky or weird if you’ve never done this before. And honestly, Monday night was the first time I had ever done something that too. But the words that were spoken over me were from none other than the Holy Spirit himself.
The last 6-8 months I have been telling myself that I am an ‘Heir to the King’ and because I am a daughter of the Most High King I have an inheritance with the Lord greater than anything here on earth. When it was my turn and my group laid hands on me Shar, a member from YWAM, immediately said “Wow. I immediately see you sitting on a throne. You are decorated in beautiful jewels, none of them are the same and each is so distinctly beautiful. I see the Lord telling you that you are a queen.” Tears started welling up in my eyes. Within a matter of seconds of the Lord allowed her to remind me that in fact I am an heir to the throne, that I do have an inheritance unlike any other here on earth. The Lord is so gracious, and when I forget who I am in Him he sends one of my brothers or sisters to remind me. (Keep in mind that we did not share anything we wrote down with our groups until after everyone was done praying.)
I pray that this blog encourages you to seek the Lord’s love in a way that you never have before. I pray that you seek truth in scripture and find out what the Lord thinks of you, not what the world says about you but who the Lord made you to be! I pray that you would look into the mirror and say, “I am His. He loves me and even on my worst day His love is unending, unconditional and genuine.” I commit to doing this with you, because I believe as humans we all underestimate the gravity of the Lord’s love for us. It won’t be easy, and the Lord will probably break off pieces of our heart in order to show us His true love but it will be worth it. Understanding who we are as His children is vital. And until we see who we are in Christ, I don’t think we can truly honor Him as our Father.
His,
-V
Tuesday night I realized how easy it is to just believe something because it makes sense, or because the bible says it’s right. I realized that when you do or say something so many times it almost becomes a routine or a habit rather than a truth. Sitting with a fellow intern alone in The Ark I started processing all of this out loud. I really don’t even know how the conversation started but I thought to myself, “Do I really know how much the Lord loves me?” And I don’t mean the type of love we typically think about, I mean do I really understand the depth of His heart for me. I’m here in Africa telling children and people in the villages to love God because He first loved them yadda yadda yadda. I keep saying Yesu Akw’agala (Jesus loves you) but do I really believe that for myself? Do I really, genuinely and whole heartedly believe that I am worthy?
When I try and think about how much my Father loves me I always compare it to an earthly love. To the love I receive from my parents. To the love I feel when I am at grandma’s house. To the love I feel when my mom tells me I’m beautiful. Although all of those things bring me an impeccable amount of love, they are just a speck on the map when compared to my Father’s love. When compared to our Father’s love.
As I write, I almost feel like I am writing in circles because the thought just doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t make sense to me that I have the capacity to experience a love first hand greater than any I have ever experienced. As a believer of the One who saves my soul, I should believe this. I should know this and I should be okay with the gravity of His love. But if we’re being honest, I am not any of those things. I really don’t know how much the Lord loves me. I really don’t think I comprehend how much he enjoys me and how much he desires to spend time with me. I don’t understand that I am His, forever. I don’t understand that even after all of the careless sand selfish decisions I’ve made He loves me more than any type of love I have ever experienced. I’ve just said all of those things so many times to other people that I think I kind of forgot to believe them for myself. We learned about the ‘Father Heart of God’ on Monday and now all of it is finally sinking it. The kind of love He, our Father in Heaven, has to offer is a kind of love that we can’t comprehend without allowing Him to show us. The kind of love He has to offer isn’t based on my outward appearance, my ability to perform or how often I share the gospel. His love is just there, free to take whenever I want it. It never runs out. It never changes and most importantly it isn’t manipulated by any of my human, earthly behaviors. It’s simply just there.
I still don’t comprehend it or really understand it, but I’m trying to. I’ve given the Lord permission to show me. I’ve given him permission to show me His love in a way that I wouldn’t normally allow Him to. I given Him permission to tell me that in His eyes, I am beautiful, I am perfect and I am His. I am a child of God, perfect and complete in Him. His love is sufficient.
I want to finish this post with a simple story, one of many that have happened since being here in Uganda. Along with us six interns there is a team of 13 YWAM’ers (Youth With A Mission) here too. Monday nights we have ‘worship night’ which is led by a different person each week where they chose a way for us to connect with the Lord as a body. This week we did an activity called “My True Design” where we spent time in prayer asking God to tell us who we are. We spent time thinking about our identity in Christ and the way He sees us. We were encouraged to write these things down and then break up into groups of 5 or 6 to prophecy over one another. We split up and went around the circle, placing hands on one another and asking the Spirit to reveal to us specific things about the person we were praying over. Yes, it might sound a little cooky or weird if you’ve never done this before. And honestly, Monday night was the first time I had ever done something that too. But the words that were spoken over me were from none other than the Holy Spirit himself.
The last 6-8 months I have been telling myself that I am an ‘Heir to the King’ and because I am a daughter of the Most High King I have an inheritance with the Lord greater than anything here on earth. When it was my turn and my group laid hands on me Shar, a member from YWAM, immediately said “Wow. I immediately see you sitting on a throne. You are decorated in beautiful jewels, none of them are the same and each is so distinctly beautiful. I see the Lord telling you that you are a queen.” Tears started welling up in my eyes. Within a matter of seconds of the Lord allowed her to remind me that in fact I am an heir to the throne, that I do have an inheritance unlike any other here on earth. The Lord is so gracious, and when I forget who I am in Him he sends one of my brothers or sisters to remind me. (Keep in mind that we did not share anything we wrote down with our groups until after everyone was done praying.)
I pray that this blog encourages you to seek the Lord’s love in a way that you never have before. I pray that you seek truth in scripture and find out what the Lord thinks of you, not what the world says about you but who the Lord made you to be! I pray that you would look into the mirror and say, “I am His. He loves me and even on my worst day His love is unending, unconditional and genuine.” I commit to doing this with you, because I believe as humans we all underestimate the gravity of the Lord’s love for us. It won’t be easy, and the Lord will probably break off pieces of our heart in order to show us His true love but it will be worth it. Understanding who we are as His children is vital. And until we see who we are in Christ, I don’t think we can truly honor Him as our Father.
His,
-V